I’m (Not) Worried About You

“I’m worried about you.”

I’ll never forget when someone said that to me. It was the last day of my back-to-work training course, and the facilitator looked at me with genuinely understanding eyes and said, “I worry about you.”

Out of twenty women in that class, she worried about me specifically. Being an introvert, I couldn’t bring myself to ask why in the moment, I needed to go home and sit with it first. By the time I’d processed it enough to want an answer, she was already gone from my life, and asking why she’d worried about me over email felt like the wrong way to find out.

So I came up with my own reasons instead, and they weren’t good ones. I talked myself into believing there was something genuinely wrong with me, not a great thing to be telling yourself, especially in circumstances plenty of people would already call worrying: recently divorced, two young kids, trying to re-enter the workforce from scratch.

Fortunately, that same course had also paired me with a coach. She told me I was fantastic and going to be a real success. Guess who I eventually called back?

It took a while, two months of quietly worrying about myself before I couldn’t take it anymore. When I finally reached a breaking point, I knew exactly who to call: the person who’d actually made me feel good about myself.

That’s the approach I’ve always tried to bring to my own work with people. Not a financial coach who makes someone feel bad about their spending habits, but someone who sits down with them, helps them find the path that actually fits their life, and then genuinely cheers them on to get there.

Renée

Renée

My days these days are mostly advocacy, with my kids always first, and hiking, biking, and cold plunging worked in whenever I can. Winter cold plunges aren’t for everyone, but there’s a strange kind of beauty and calm in it that I’ve come to need.

Separation was a journey. It took time, and it taught me most of what I know now.

I write about what I learned along the way, and about the family justice system I ended up spending years inside of.