Use the Discomfort

Today I woke up feeling unmotivated. I tried to work for a bit, decided it wasn’t going anywhere, and took a break instead.

I got to thinking about how cold my house was, the pilot light on the boiler had probably gone out again. I emailed my tenant to ask him to check, then started thinking I should really just call a heating and plumbing company to come do the annual maintenance properly.

I sat with that thought a while longer. I didn’t love the idea of my tenant constantly having to relight a pilot light that wasn’t his problem to begin with.

So what was actually stopping me from making the call? My last few experiences with the company I usually used hadn’t been great. The previous year, when someone came out for the annual maintenance, my tenant mentioned the repair guy had spent the entire hour on his phone texting. Unsurprisingly, the pilot light kept going out again shortly after. I called them back, same repairman came out, and this time he actually did the work, and unsurprisingly, the boiler did what it was supposed to do: heat the house. On his way out he told me he wouldn’t charge me for the visit, like he was doing me some enormous favor. I recognized that tone, it was the same one I got from the receptionists every time I called.

Those were the thoughts that had been keeping me from picking up the phone. What actually got me to call this morning were the more uncomfortable ones: how much I was inconveniencing my tenant, and how this wasn’t exactly responsible-homeowner behavior on my part.

The receptionist was rude. She told me they were busy for the fall, grudgingly offered an appointment in two weeks, then informed me that next year I’d need to book my service in spring or summer instead.

After hanging up, I sat with the fact that it had gone exactly as I’d expected. I realized I’d been quietly justifying sticking with this company for a while, they did decent work eventually, and I didn’t know of anyone else to call. That annoyed me. Here I was, a customer they clearly didn’t value, still handing them my business anyway. That annoyance was what finally moved me to actually look around. Turns out there were other companies doing the exact same work. I called one, and the repair technician is at my house right now, as I’m writing this.

I woke up unmotivated this morning. What actually got me moving wasn’t inspiration, it was discomfort. And the worse that discomfort got, the more motivated I became, not the other way around.

It’s not fun being in an uncomfortable spot. But today reminded me those spots can genuinely be useful. Use the bad place as a stepping stone toward wherever you’re actually trying to get to.

Renée

Renée

My days these days are mostly advocacy, with my kids always first, and hiking, biking, and cold plunging worked in whenever I can. Winter cold plunges aren’t for everyone, but there’s a strange kind of beauty and calm in it that I’ve come to need.

Separation was a journey. It took time, and it taught me most of what I know now.

I write about what I learned along the way, and about the family justice system I ended up spending years inside of.