It has been four years since I separated from my husband.

My kids have gone from 4 and 7 to 8 and 11.

I have a pretty fantastic life right now. While it has its struggles, I am in a new career that still excites me, and I get up every day looking forward to work. I have a parenting relationship with my co-parent that allows us to share the burdens and joys of parenting far better than we did when we were together.

I spend most of my day feeling content, and some of my days are truly amazing and awesome. The days that are not great last a day (sometimes two), and then I return to being content.

If anyone had told me how long it would take to get to the place four years ago, it would have depressed me further than I already was. But I would be surprised if they had told me how happy I would be.  When I was in the hell of separation, I was living out my life as a mom – when that job was done, I was going to be done. Moms are never done being moms, so I would never have been done. Instead, I would have lived out my life as a mom in a sad and depressed state.

I was reminded of this recently.

I met someone who is in an unhappy marriage. She wants out. Her husband does not.

They each have their reasons for their choice. My ex was the one who wanted out, and I did not. I wasn’t happy in my marriage, but fear kept me there. My ex was likely fearful, too, but his unhappiness must have been bigger than his fear, and he stepped out of our marriage. I am grateful for the end of my marriage and the path it set me on.

Divorce opened up a new path for me.

Before, I lived in fear; I did everything out of fear. I took jobs I didn’t like that paid well because what would happen if I couldn’t find work?

I stayed in a marriage that I was unhappy in because what would happen to my kids if I got divorced?

I stayed small and contained, fearing what opening myself up to change would do. I assumed it would be bad.

Change was hard and not easy. I had to change a lot of things.

The hardest part of all was that I had to change my mind about almost everything that I thought I knew about being a woman, a mom, an accountant, and single with children.

Everything. And to do that, I needed help.  None of it was easier than staying in a marriage that didn’t work. Yet every step that I took on the new path has opened up a world I thought I would never live in.

So, if you’re hesitating, know that when you reach out for help, you are putting your feet onto your own path forward.