Recently, I spoke with a friend going through major life transitions. Like many of us, she and her family are stressed.

The current situation

My friend is in her late 40s with two children under 11. Her husband, also in his late 40s, recently quit his job. He realized it was not the right fit, and he knew that, soon, his employers would start looking for someone who was a better fit. He wanted to take control of his life.

While he quit his job to maintain postive mental health, his search for a new job is ongoing and he is having a hard time not getting discouraged. Their youngest child just started at a new school and needs more support. Their oldest daughter is gifted and is going to an expensive private school.

My friend has spent the last year training herself for a new profession only to discover that the expected professional job market isn’t there.

With all this happening, they have used up their emergency funds. It’s time to decide whether to take on more debt or start taking money out of their retirement fund.

My friend started our conversation by stating her husband is sleeping a lot.

Oversleeping is a classic sign of depression.

It all sounds stressful

Getting rejected day after day by potential employers for jobs he has convinced himself would be exciting, he’s now applying for jobs in other Provinces. Adding an cross-country move into the mix will add even more stress to their lives. And what if the job didn’t work out?

Meanwhile, the family has been focused on getting through their days with little thought to planning and aligning goals with values, as that is hard to do, in the middle of the extreme pressure this family is currently under.

Uncomfortable feedback

My friend asked what I thought.

I acknowledged that yes, they did indeed seem to have an unfair share of stress in their lives right now.

I asked her what she thought about making such life changing decisions when they are suffering from stress.

She got quiet and said “I think it’s is going to get worse before it gets better.”

Do things only get better when they can’t get any worse?

I sat with my friend and we pondered her rather bleak comment.

Was it only by hitting the proverbial wall that she and her husband would find the fortitude to push through to a way forward? What if crashing into that wall meant they couldn’t move forward at all?

I asked my friend if there was a way for them to get some breathing room into their lives so they could slow down their decision making to find a more sustainable path forward.

She just looked at me and said,

“well, we may be able to dip into retirement savings – that might buy us some time.”

I think she expected me to argue with her – dip into retirement savings! What kind of financial planner would support that strategy?

Instead, I said – let’s look at your big picture financial situation – maybe there is a way, after all.