by Renee leNobel | Nov 6, 2014 | Finances
You are not alone and not surprisingly this is one of the leading causes of breakups and divorce. Many partnerships are comprised of these two opposing personalities which makes sense as opposites attract and when they get together each gets to see how the other half lives. Living with a spender can be fantastic fun for the normally conservative saver. At the same time, the spender might like the practicality and planning ability of the saver and will feel taken care of and supported.
Saver and Spender are as opposite on the financial personality spectrum as it gets. Saver thinks about the cost and the future before deciding to do anything and Spender is all about living in the now and seizing the day. This couple can make a powerful twosome. Spender opens Saver’s eyes about having some fun in life and letting go of worry and Saver helps Spender see that fun can still happen with planning. If there is discussion and openness about each other’s financial personality then this relationship can work with some pro-active planning and discussion.
Difficulties arise when Saver and Spender do not plan. Saver and Spender can drift into a long term relationship without ever laying down the financial ground rules. Once Saver and Spender get married, have a child or even just move in together, things will get rocky and eventually implode if discussion and planning hasn’t taken place.
With no planning, Saver and Spender each think that the other person has bought into their way of doing things. Saver is thinking “Spender wants to live with me and my rules. Spender has realised my way is best.” What’s Spender thinking? The exact opposite. Saver and Spender are headed for relationship disaster.
Why? Spender keeps spending and Saver is doing all the saving for the household. If this pattern continues, Saver will become resentful of Spender and when resentment kicks in, other behaviours are not far behind. Saver is likely to start nagging Spender, specifically, Saver will ramp up his/her efforts to prove to Spender that their household finances are a sinking ship and spends more time thinking and worrying about finances. All this worry on Saver’s part will cause Saver to nag Spender even more and now Spender is getting grumpy too! Saver is constantly talking about money and trying to control Spender!
Spender and Saver live miserably ever after… until they can’t take it anymore and break up in a soul-destroying conflict laden implosion. If they don’t break up, then in all likelihood Spender will die first and Saver will discover that Spender spent all the savings. I bet you’ve heard that story before.
And this could all have been avoided with….
Financial Strategies for the Spender/Saver Relationship.
by Renee leNobel | Nov 4, 2014 | Divorce
Today I woke up feeling unmotivated. I tried to work for a bit and then decided what I was doing wasn’t getting me anywhere so I took a break.
I pondered the fact that it was cold in my house and the pilot light on the boiler had likely gone out again. I emailed my tenant to ask him to check for me and then I thought about how I should phone the heating and plumbing people to get them to come and do the annual maintenance on the boiler.
I thought about it some more. I thought about how I don’t like having to keep asking my tenant to light the pilot light on the boiler as it’s not his problem.
What was stopping me from phoning the heating and plumbing company? Well, my last few interactions with them have not been pleasant. Last year when the repair person came to do the maintenance in September, my tenant told me the guy texted for the entire hour. Not surprisingly our boiler pilot light kept going out after his visit so I called them back and the same person came again. This time, my tenant told me the repairman actually did some work and not surprisingly our boiler did what is was supposed to do…heat the house. As the repairman left, he told me that he wouldn’t charge me, as if he was doing me a big favour. I recognised this attitude as it is the same one I get from the receptionists every time I call this company.
These thoughts were the ones that had been stopping me from phoning the company. But it was the decidedly more uncomfortable thoughts about how I was inconveniencing my tenant and how I wasn’t being a responsible homeowner that motivated me to phone the heating and plumbing company this morning.
The receptionist was rude. She told me that they are busy in the fall and then grudgingly said that they had availability in two weeks and then she told me that next year I would have to have my service in the spring or summer.
After talking with her I reflected on the fact that it had gone as I had expected. I realise that I have been justifying using their services. They did good work (eventually) and I didn’t know who else to use. I was annoyed. Here I was using a company that clearly did not see my value as a customer. This thought moved me to act. I started searching around and found that there are indeed other companies that do this type of work. I phoned one, and the repair person is here as I write this.
This morning I woke up unmotivated. What got me to act? It was the discomfort that I found myself in. In fact, the more discomfort I felt and the worse it got, the more motivated I became. Not only did I finally get someone in to fix the boiler, I wrote my first Yelp review.
It is difficult to be in an uncomfortable place but today I am recognising that those difficult spots we find ourselves in can be very useful. Use that bad place as a stepping stone to get to where you want to be.
